Healing a moment at a time…
Triggers and content varies (medical/mental health, trauma, miscarriage, etc)
Back from the Playground
Jason pulled back on that word
And threw it at Jennifer
Knocking out her self control.
She caught it on the lip which was quivering
Then she was gone.
Back then they said I was teased. I was teased until I was a frayed knot. Afraid that I didn’t fit in; afraid to be seen; afraid. Anxiety-ridden.
On the Birth of an Educator
I got the call.
I was nearly eight.
“That’s good, nice job. I can tell you’ve been practicing,” drove me to do more, to be more.
Her dark hair and green eyes greeted me every day.
She said, “Those flowers are beautiful. Yellow is my favorite color. You should be proud of your hard work,” as I…
My Grandparents and their daughter that was my mother
I can’t eat pizza without thinking about my Nonna, my grandmother. I never knew my real grandmother because she was dead long before I was born. This other woman--my mother’s stepmother--ran my grandfather’s house on a backroad in the small town where I grew up. There was a sign in their bathroom: if it’s yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, flush it down. I thought they were tree-hugging conservationists, but it was really that they were just poor and maybe a little…
Hide the Knives
This story is so cringeworthy that I don’t even want to write it. I get a clawing, cloying sensation at the back of my jaw at the thought of it. This also means I’m compelled to write it, that it must be written, that someone somewhere knows the feeling and needs to know they aren’t alone. Trigger Warning: mental health and symptoms of psychosis
Clothed in Discomfort
Here I explore my experience with sensory issues.
So what if I have sensory issues. Sensory Defensive Disorder, or whatever it’s called, wasn’t a thing when my mother had to shop at Sears to get my white Hanes underwear and bobby-socks. I couldn't wear anything else. Some say my issues could also be part of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) or that it is triggered by Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or by Bipolar Disorder (BP) which I also have a diagnosis of. I also have a history of nerve issues related to tick borne illnesses which no one has been able to tie down to a specific timeframe as to when the symptoms started.
I remember one time…
When it’s not okay, but then it is…
“What is it? Just tell me what it is,” I said forcefully, gritting my teeth for emphasis but also to brace myself for the news I knew was surely coming.
“I’m here with your mom,” he began, then corrected, “I'm at your mother’s apartment.”
“You’re there now?” I asked not understanding that I’d called the police officer and not the police department itself.
“Yes. Did your mom have any health problems that you know of?”
“Yes, yes, she had asthma, she used oxygen, why is she alright?”
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but she has passed away.”
My legs gave out, my dad caught me under my arm, and I sunk into the dining room chair. I am sure I said something dumb, like “Oh my god, really?” but I don’t remember. I immediately covered my mouth as if to keep my own life in.
Our Almost Children
Our desire to nurture continued. We cultivated the garden, we snuggled our cat in the evening, and, coming from a large family, my husband desired for more. More kids, more love. And it sounded really nice. Isn’t that how it goes sometimes? Our kids grew up great; we had the means. And my mother had me later in life after raising my older siblings which seemed to work out for us. I was in…
And then there were none…
Jobs that is. I have committed to applying for disability retirement though my teaching union. It’s been a long, arduous process of attempting to return to a state of relative normalcy and to continue to do the only thing I was ever sure I wanted—to teach literacy.
My mind and body have not yet returned to balance, and I have to give up my career (in one sense anyway), one I imagined since the second grade. It was a successful run until an insect bite took my physical health in 2018, and students and neglectful employer destroyed my mental health in 2019.
I developed…(see more👇🏼)
A Migraine Walking
This is one person’s experience with a migraine which starts at work and ends at home with a bottle of a family member’s pills.
Migraine resources linked in the story and below.
At first, it was a small torment mildly noticeable throughout the day, but Alvie felt the first real pang of pain in the elevator while riding back from the cafeteria after his lunch, which was an antipasto salad. When he got to his cubicle, he searched his drawers for a pain reliever, some kind of reliever, but…
Bipolar: when I am not myself
One of the more embarrassing parts of my disorder is the separation from who I used to be and what I used to be capable of compared to what I do now.
This post took several days to put together. During the writing, I even forgot how to “copy and paste” and use the shortcuts for looking up words while I write—something I do all the time. The cognitive connection was lost several times over two days, and I had to walk away several times. I win some and I lose some.
Today* was exceptionally difficult from the start, and I can’t discern a particular reason–other than…
Bipolar/PTSD and ME
Bipolar/PTSD and ME
Written By Dayna Brown Dolan
Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor, I don’t make recommendations, I share my experience. If you need help, reach out to your doctor or local clinic. Resources linked below.
This is a day in the life of my mental illness…
Today I woke up a ache in my head and a humming in my body and ears, trembling of hands, and a high sensitivity to noise. Even some of my favorite sounds like the birds outside the window or the breeze grated on me, giving me a cringing sensation near my jaw. On this glorious day, seventy-five and sunny, I had the windows closed to keep out the chirping of the birds and the street traffic. I lint rolled inside my shirt because it was itchy, and I straightened up all the furniture to help me concentrate. But it didn’t really help.
Today my cognitive ability and executive function is in and out like a…
Antibiotics, Allergy, Anaphylaxis
The first time I had anaphylaxis I was about nine. It was a year when I had a series of health misfortunes. I developed chicken pox, sprained an ankle, had urinary tract infections, and several bouts of strep throat in a span of about six months. On this particular day, I was napping in my mother’s bed, but I don’t remember why I was in her room and not my own. I just remember waking up hot, sweaty, and stuffy like when you’re trying to breathe in Florida after a rainstorm in August. It was disorienting…